EEP! Bookishness tomorrow!

I can't believe the day is almost here! My baby will see daylight. :) The Kindle edition is already available on Amazon, but you can also get it in paperback from either them or Omnific Publishing starting tomorrow.

 As part of this journey, I had to have an author picture taken *shudder* want to know what THAT was like?


The Saga of the Author Photo

Does anyone else swear they would prefer to have their arm lopped off to having their picture taken? Or is that just me? It’s not that I’m horrifying, definitely not Elephant Man ugly, but I’m shy (ish). Still, it’s de rigeur to have an author photo, so after much gentle prodding by the fabulous Traci (Hi, Traci!), I finally put on the big girl panties and made an appointment with a local photographer.

The day dawned bright and sunny… but I didn’t see it. You see, for the first time in recorded history The Man, in a rare burst of self-control, decided to deprive himself of my morning awesomeness (if by awesomeness you mean rat’s nest hair and an amazing ability to growl while yawning). This never happens. He’s up daily at 4 am, and so never sleeps past 6am, even on the weekends. EVER. And he loves me so much (HA! He wants breakfast) that he can’t live without my gentle laughter (Lies. I’m a zombie until I’ve sucked down at least two cups of coffee) past 7am. You can set a clock by his adorkable (yeah. right) routines. Until this Saturday morning. THIS Saturday, the one time I really did have to be up early to get my crap together before heading off to the photog, he let me sleep in. So you can imagine my chagrin (see, Stephanie Meyer? I can use that word, too.) when I opened my eyes to sunshine flooding the room and the sound of late morning cartoons wafting through the house.

This timeline should give you some idea of my day:

9 am: *yawn, stretch* *glance at clock* *shriek so loud dogs heard me in China*Appointment with hair and makeup goddess starts right now. I’ll never make it.

9:02 Step on Lego. Shriek some more. Curse Miniman, tiny plastic assassin, and entire Swedish nation.

9:05 Tell self to calm down. Sweaty is not a good look for anyone except Channing Tatum. You know, in that scene in (every movie) where he has his shirt off and he’s working out, and… Tell self to get a grip. We have SERIOUS BUSINESS to do today Search for headband to get hair out of the way while makeup magic is performed. No headband, no brush to be found.

9:06 Run downstairs, cursing Daughter #2. Find all hair accoutrements for all family members stuffed under her bed.

9:07 Run back upstairs. Step on another Lego and teeter at edge of stairs. Consider whether it’s worth a gaping hole in the head to let myself fall and thus avoid photography expedition.

9:10 Think calming thoughts (Island breezes… hammock… Mai Tais… Nathan Fillion…) Realize these are not calming thoughts and start again (Bathroom cleaner… Pot roast… Car repairs…) Feel self dropping into a coma and realize ‘calming’ can’t be ‘boring’. Back to island breezes and Mai Tais, but ix-nay on the hammock and Mr. Fillion…

9:12 Eye puffy stuff and moisturizer have had time to set, so pull out make-up case. Blow off dust. Open and realize it’s mostly empty. Growl.

9:13 Back down stairs to collect makeup from Daughter #1’s secret hiding place (It’s in her bottom drawer. But don’t tell her that I told you). Trip over large hairy snoring dog. Briefly fantasize about lying down next to her and going back to sleep.

9:15 Despair of covering large Gordon Ramsay-style forehead wrinkles with anything less than industrial spackle.

9:25 Make up finished, hair repair commenced. Check clock. Panic.

9:30 Back downstairs in search of hairspray. Leap Lego “Walking Dead” village (That’s my boy!). Kick dog (sorry, girl). Bathroom door is locked.

9:35 Bang on door. Growl. Threaten to eat soul of child on other side of door if he doesn’t open up and give me what I want. Avoid eyes and raised eyebrows of The Man as he wakes from his nap on the couch (He was up early, you know).

9:45 Out the door. Assure self that fifteen minutes is PLENTY of time to get downtown (but I know I’m lying. I can see it in my eyes. I’m a terrible liar.) Pull Lego out from beneath my butt and toss it into the backseat. Start car and turn on A/C. Nothing happens. Bang head on steering wheel.

9:55 Traffic is light. I’m gonna make it! Or not. Forgot today was first day of Farmer’s Market. Finally find parking three blocks from studio. Hustle down the street, dodging zombie shoppers. Vault small children and dogs. Wonder if it might be easier to throw myself under the train that’s next to me. Sadly, it’s only moving about 5 MPH and is three tiny cars. Give up on idea. Vault more small children and dogs.

10:05 Enter studio, apologizing profusely for being late. Photographer stares, then forces a smile and offers use of bathroom. Close door and study self. Sweaty (and not Channing sweaty either). Hair slightly askew. Crazed look in the eye. Yep. I look like me again. Adjust hair and exit bathroom, laughing. Notice I’m walking funny and pull Lego from bottom of shoe.

There are morals to this story: first, SET YOUR ALARM. No one can be trusted. Second, HAVE A BACKUP PLAN. The Universe IS out to get you, so you might as well get used to the idea and be prepared. Finally, DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. Life’s too short not to enjoy yourself.

My lovely (and frankly magical) photographer will be sending me the final product of our work in just a little bit, and I’ll show you the result. With that in mind, I have a final request: When you look at it and find yourself making a side eye and thinking, “She looks like someone’s mom”, remember that I am.

Blame the children.

That’s my motto.


55 comments (Add your own)

1. Teniece wrote:
the cuticle of gray hair is up to 30 times thkicer then naturally colored hair, making it coarser, wirey, glassy and really stubborn. These hairs are really stubborn to color too. to soften these unruly hairs you can pick up a box of perm solution for your hair type, squirt it all over the graying areas, process for about 15 minutes then rinse and neutralize. no need for rods or manipulting it in any way, you just want the solution to break down your hair a bit, not to restructure it in a new formation. just leave it down and damp and with the solution in it, you could comb it with a WIDE tooth comb if you want it stratighter. not more then 15 minutes, or the solution will really change the structure of your hair. the perm should eat through those stubborn cuticles and soften the hair making it more manageable. so freshly shampooed hair, no conditioner. comb out any knots apply the solution and let it do its thing *comb if you want to straighten* 15 minutes maximum then rinse for a few minutes, apply neutralizer, but take that out a minute or so early and rinse well again. dry and style your hair really well and keep it dry for 48 hours and it CANNOT be in a pony tail. youll have permanent ponytail hair if you put it up in that first 48 hours. it should be more workable. it should last you about a year or so.

Thu, November 15, 2012 @ 3:16 AM

2. wrote:
Wonderful, what a web site it is! This website gives valuable information to
us, keep it up.

Wed, May 8, 2019 @ 7:17 PM

3. Johnb366 wrote:
Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way Ill be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly. cfkddeegckgd

Tue, June 25, 2019 @ 7:48 PM

4. Pharme676 wrote:
Hello! viagra from india

Wed, June 26, 2019 @ 10:26 AM

5. Pharmg10 wrote:
Hello! [url=]viagra from india[/url]

Wed, June 26, 2019 @ 10:26 AM

6. Pharmf156 wrote:
Hello! viagra from india

Wed, June 26, 2019 @ 10:27 AM

7. Pharmd312 wrote:

Wed, June 26, 2019 @ 10:28 AM

8. Pharmb811 wrote:
Hello! indian viagra

Thu, June 27, 2019 @ 4:19 PM

9. Pharmd285 wrote:
Hello! [url=]indian viagra[/url]

Thu, June 27, 2019 @ 4:19 PM

10. Johnb304 wrote:
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is fantastic blog. A fantastic read. I will definitely be back. cbdfbkdageae

Thu, July 4, 2019 @ 10:43 AM

11. Johne582 wrote:
I've read some excellent stuff here. Definitely price bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much effort you place to create this type of great informative site. feaaeaeaeece

Thu, August 8, 2019 @ 8:43 AM

12. Johng982 wrote:
Hey very nice blog!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds alsoI'm satisfied to find a lot of useful info right here within the post, we'd like develop extra strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. kbbfekegcedd

Sun, September 8, 2019 @ 5:18 PM

13. Johnd790 wrote:
This event occurred rigt after the time Mario return to the Mushroom Kingdom so it had to take place after agddbekkgcgd

Fri, October 4, 2019 @ 10:35 AM

14. Johnk396 wrote:
Vigamox Without A Script in Columbus ekedcecddfdd

Mon, October 28, 2019 @ 8:15 PM


Tue, October 29, 2019 @ 3:56 AM

16. wrote: such website
has exploded beyond all expectations within the above requirements, knowning that website is .
Maybe Brave probably will turn into a fresh legend of Pixar animated movie.

Without a doubt, your friends and family need out for that
perfect interest of the child.

Tue, November 5, 2019 @ 3:26 AM

17. wrote: Seven Hong Kong law
enforcement officials were sentenced Friday to 2 years in jail for assaulting a professional-democracy activist on the height of 2014 protests, in an assault that was caught on movie
by TV news cameras.

Fri, November 8, 2019 @ 4:41 PM

18. wrote: Leading
Placed: US Information & Globe Record ranks CMU's
Heinz College as the # 1 graduate college in Information & Modern technology and

Fri, November 8, 2019 @ 9:54 PM

19. wrote:

Sun, November 10, 2019 @ 10:03 AM

20. wrote:

Mon, November 11, 2019 @ 8:16 AM

21. wrote:
It's in fact very difficult in this active life to listen news on Television, therefore I simply use world wide web for that purpose, and get the hottest news.

Mon, November 11, 2019 @ 6:13 PM

22. wrote:

Fri, November 15, 2019 @ 4:08 PM

23. wrote:
I'm more than happy to discover this website. I wanted to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!!
I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new things on your site.

Thu, November 21, 2019 @ 9:22 AM

24. wrote:
Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog.
Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I'm not very techincal but I can figure things out
pretty fast. I'm thinking about creating my own but I'm not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions?
Thank you

Thu, November 28, 2019 @ 1:28 AM

25. wrote: tarot card reading tarot card reading tarot card meanings tarot reading tarot card reading

Sun, December 8, 2019 @ 1:16 PM

26. wrote:
I really like what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and reporting!
Keep up the amazing works guys I've incorporated you guys to my blogroll.

Wed, December 11, 2019 @ 1:45 PM

27. wrote:
wonderful put up, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector don't understand this.
You must continue your writing. I'm confident, you have a great
readers' base already!

Thu, December 19, 2019 @ 7:17 PM

28. wrote:
I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This article posted at this site is in fact good.

Mon, December 30, 2019 @ 5:27 PM

29. wrote:

Thu, January 2, 2020 @ 6:01 AM

30. wrote:

Sat, January 11, 2020 @ 7:32 AM

31. wrote:
Outstanding post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic?
I'd be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more.

Bless you!

Wed, January 22, 2020 @ 7:42 PM

32. wrote:
You need to take part in a contest for one of the most useful blogs on the web.
I'm going to recommend this website!

Fri, January 24, 2020 @ 1:57 PM

33. wrote:

Sat, January 25, 2020 @ 6:32 AM

34. wrote:
If some one needs to be updated with newest technologies after that he must be visit this web page and be up to
date all the time.

Mon, January 27, 2020 @ 2:57 PM

35. wrote:
This is my first time visit at here and i am truly pleassant
to read all at single place.

Mon, January 27, 2020 @ 6:44 PM

36. wrote:
Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It actually used to be a amusement account it.

Glance complex to far brought agreeable from you! By the way,
how could we keep up a correspondence?

Tue, January 28, 2020 @ 10:05 AM

37. wrote:
Greate post. Keep posting such kind of information on your site.

Im really impressed by your blog.
Hey there, You've done a fantastic job. I'll definitely digg it and
in my view recommend to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this web
site. Check

Fri, January 31, 2020 @ 7:43 PM

38. wrote:
Heya are using Wordpress for your site platform? I'm new to the blog world but I'm trying to get started and set up my own. Do
you require any html coding expertise to
make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Mon, February 3, 2020 @ 10:05 AM

39. wrote:
Right now it seems like Movable Type is the preferred blogging platform out there right now.
(from what I've read) Is that what you're using on your blog?

Mon, February 3, 2020 @ 7:15 PM

40. wrote:
Link exchange is nothing else except it is just placing the other person's webpage link on your page
at suitable place and other person will also do same in support
of you.

Wed, February 5, 2020 @ 1:31 PM

41. wrote:
Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this website.
It's simple, yet effective. A lot of times it's
very hard to get that "perfect balance" between superb usability and appearance.
I must say that you've done a very good job with this. Additionally, the
blog loads extremely fast for me on Opera. Superb Blog!

Wed, February 5, 2020 @ 2:39 PM

42. wrote: High world leaders,
diplomats and defense officers are getting their first opportunity to meet
with members of the Trump administration amid concerns over the brand new president's dedication to NATO and posture toward Russia.

Fri, February 7, 2020 @ 9:06 PM

43. wrote:

Sun, February 9, 2020 @ 8:15 AM

44. wrote:

Tue, February 11, 2020 @ 1:50 PM

45. wrote:
Good day! I could have sworn I've been to this website before
but after reading through some of the post I realized it's new to me.
Nonetheless, I'm definitely delighted I found it and I'll be
book-marking and checking back frequently!

Tue, February 11, 2020 @ 4:22 PM

46. wrote:
It's an remarkable post in favor of all the online people;
they will take benefit from it I am sure.

Wed, February 12, 2020 @ 12:13 PM

47. wrote:
I love reading a post that can make people think.

Also, thank you for allowing me to comment!

Wed, February 12, 2020 @ 7:27 PM

48. wrote:

Sat, February 15, 2020 @ 3:43 AM

49. wrote:
Excellent blog you have here but I was curious about if you knew of any message boards that cover the same
topics talked about in this article? I'd really like to be a part of community where I can get comments from other knowledgeable people that share the
same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know.

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 5:07 AM

50. wrote:
Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and
tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot
drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and
she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 5:48 AM

51. wrote:
Hi there to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting
more from this web page, and your views are fastidious for new people.

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 6:23 AM

52. wrote:
Very good post! We will be linking to this great content on our website.

Keep up the great writing.

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 7:21 AM

53. wrote:
Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this post i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible paragraph.

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 8:41 AM

54. wrote:
What's up to every body, it's my first go to see of this webpage; this blog includes amazing and actually good information in favor of visitors.

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 4:23 PM

55. wrote:
I like reading a post that will make men and
women think. Also, thank you for allowing for me to comment!

Wed, February 19, 2020 @ 7:46 PM

Add a New Comment


Comment Guidelines: No HTML is allowed. Off-topic or inappropriate comments will be edited or deleted. Thanks.